26 August 2013

Hydroplaning Mainframes

Yes, it's been a while. Been out and about, flitting around, trying to fit in, trying to fit out, trying to find out what will really make me shine. Sometimes chaotic, sometimes eerie calm. Sometimes unnaturally happy, sometimes, solemn. Silent. Thinking. Withdrawn.  That and creating new stuff, playing with yarn, designing things in my head, and finally getting to watch the first 5 seasons of Breaking Bad. Finally.  If nothing else, that show teaches a very astute lesson in personal responsibility and the potential for overwhelming anxiety caused by the choices we make as humans. Yet, in a sick sort of way, it also makes you realize that YOU are in control of your life and where it goes, and no matter who you are, how timid you may be or scared of stepping out on a limb, that ultimately whatever the Universe throws at you, it's up to YOU to deal with whatever comes your way. 
I picked up a copy of Elephunk a few weeks back because I'd never heard the entire album and mainly because I wanted a hard copy of this: 

Unlike anything else I'd ever heard from the group, when Anxiety began to play, it was mind boggling and very cool to say the least...and not to mention, very fitting for my frame of mind lately.  And now that we're well into Season 4 of Breaking Bad, I seriously think it would be so fitting for just about any episode of that show. Seriously. Fitting.  

So that's what's been up in this world. Nothing profound, just taking time to figure things out. Not that I feel I have all the time in the world, because I know I don't....which, in turn, causes a magical, metric fuqueton of this:  

Anxiety

I feel like I wanna smack somebody
Turn around and bitch slap somebody (bitch)
But I ain't goin' out bro (no, no, no)
I ain't givin' into it (no, no, no)
Anxieties bash my mind in
Terrorizing my soul like Bin Laden
But I ain't fallin' down bro (no, no, no)
I won't lose control bro (no, no, no)
Shackle and chained
My soul feels stained
I can't explain got an itch on my brain (itchy)
Lately my whole aim is to maintain
And regain control of my mainframe
My bloods boiling its beatin' out propane
My train of thoughts more like a runaway train
I'm in a fast car drivin' in a fast lane
In the rain and I'm might just hydroplane

I don't fear none of my enemies
And I don't fear bullets from Uzis
I've been dealing with something thats worse than these
That'll make you fall to your knees and thats the
The anxiety the sane and the insane rivalry
Paranoias brought me to my knees
Lord please please please
Take away my anxiety
The sane and the insane rivalry
Paranoias brought me to my knees
Lord please please please
Take away my anxiety

My head keeps running away my brother
The only thing making me stay my brother
But I won't give into it bro (no, no, no)
Gotta get myself back now
God, I can't let my mind be
Tell my enemy is my own
Gots to find my inner wealth
Gots to hold up my thoughts
I can't get caught (no, no, no)
I can't give into it now (no, no, no)
Emotions are trapped set on lock
Got my brain stuck goin through the motions
Only I know what's up
I'm filled up with pain
Tryin' to gain my sanity
Everywhere I turn its a dead end infront of me
With nowhere to go gotta shake this anxiety
Got me feelin' strange paranoia took over me
And its weighin' me down
And I can't run any longer, yo
Knees to the ground

I don't fear none of my enemies
And I don't fear bullets from Uzis
I've been dealing with something thats worse than these
That'll make you fall to your knees and thats my
My anxiety the sane and the insane rivalry
Paranoias brought me to my knees
Lord please please please
Take away my anxiety
The sane and the insane rivalry
Paranoias brought me to my knees
Lord please please please
Take away my anxiety

I don't fear none of my enemies
And I don't fear bullets from Uzis
I've been dealing with something thats worse than these
That'll make you fall to your knees and thats the
The anxiety the sane and the insane rivalry
Paranoias brought me to my knees
Lord please please please
Take away my anxiety
The sane and the insane rivalry
Paranoias brought me to my knees
Lord please please please
Take away my anxiety

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