30 August 2013

Homeless Smiles Freeze Curses

If only for a second.....in that second, something is incredibly right in the face of all that is wrong. 




You see a story like this and you know that not all hope is lost. I watched the video above and the first thought that came to mind is 'Where do we go from here...?'  So, I googled it.....there had to be some reason for that thought to come to mind, right? A wake up call, perhaps?  And this is what caught my eye first.  



As if to provide a glaring example of the exact opposite of the young men.....here is typically my impression of a lot (not all, mind you) but a lot of the younger crowd. Not any different than how people my age now saw me when I was in the younger age bracket. Not at all. 

Maybe it's about perception. About removing the blinders and looking around to see what is REALLY out there as opposed to the images concocted by my brain, brought to me by a wealth of vapid, pointless media. 

Maybe it's a push in a different direction. Time to stop being afraid of people...afraid of the outside world....time to get back into it and do something for those that have way less than I do. And I don't have much, but I know my blessings and I don't take them for granted. 

It breaks my heart and crushes my spirit to see people in such dire conditions. People for which I am powerless to do anything. Mainly because of location. But I can do something here.  As the Theys say, "Charity begins at home".  

So, this is where I go from here. I start researching and then I start doing. All it takes is motion. Forward.  

29 August 2013

Breaking Keys

You just can't imagine the profundities you will see, hear and realize when you start watching a simple television series. There are so few things in mainstream television media that are even worth wasting time looking at....but I will forever be in awe of Breaking Bad, not only for the acting but for the absolute glory that is the writing.  



There is no wake up call inside of any lyrical composition today.....just inside the playing of the notes you hear here. Once you realize that this person that you think is totally beyond gone, so burned out that he doesn't have a brain cell to share with anyone else, let alone himself.....when you realize that he possesses this talent....


Mind. Blown. 

And then you start to TRULY realize the destructive force that is drugs. Not even just illegal drugs, but all those fancy little pills big Pharma wants to shove down your throat.  I'm not some big anti-drug advocate, seriously.  I think everyone makes a choice at some point.....and what happens to us, ultimately, is the result of our choices. But when you take a look at the true results of using things like meth or heroin or crack, or even alcohol....it kind of just crushes the soul a little bit.  

Underneath the chemically altered facade of an addict lies a human being with a heart, a soul even.  And, I will definitely argue the existence of a soul in some less-than-human beings....but at ONE TIME, there lived these things in that being. 

I have little to no patience for it.  Drug use, that is. You seriously had to, at one point, say "ok, let me hit that....." How do I know? Because I've said something to the effect of "ok, let me hit that..." myself back in the years when I was less than mentally advanced.  And , wrapped in my blanket of ignorant bliss, I suppose I think that anyone who ever is confronted with such things would just have to know that you can't go back that easily and that it's better to just walk away.  Hypocritical, coming from the nicotine-addicted, socially backward hermit trying to sell you this line of WAKE UP CALL. 

I guess what really woke me up when I saw this scene was just how much of me has been buried by the outside world. How much of myself has been hidden under a thick coating of fear and anxiety. Fear of failure. Fear of abandonment. Fear of being mocked. Ridiculed. Shunned. Hated. 

Just imagine the things we could do, the things we could become, if we never allowed such things as fear and drugs to take over the wheel. 

28 August 2013

Billionaire Queens

You know that completely aggravating moment when a song pops in your head and then a week later, it's still bouncing around in there? Yeah. I decided that this song would be the perfect response to something someone else said last week...and here we are. 



Whomever is responsible for getting this song out there knew what they were doing. It has got to be one of the catchiest tunes alive. That and it's the thought we all think when life starts piling on all manner of reality in the form of money issues. 

There's so much heartache, heartbreak and mass destruction going on in our world.....sometimes, you really just have to pull the plug on all that, take a step back, and see, read, or hear something that will LIFT the spirits rather than crush them. 



I don't know what I would do if I came into millions or billions. Maybe completely withdraw from society. Or maybe not. I don't spend a lot of time thinking about vapid dreams because they get in the way of real change, real work and real hope. For now, I don't think I'd truly want to be a billionaire queen. Millionaire queen, maybe.....  :)  

"Billionaire"
I wanna be a billionaire so fucking bad
Buy all of the things I never had
Uh, I wanna be on the cover of Forbes magazine
Smiling next to Oprah and the Queen

Oh every time I close my eyes
I see my name in shining lights yeah
A different city every night alright
I swear the world better prepare
For when I'm a billionaire
Yeah I would have a show like Oprah
I would be the host of everyday Christmas
Give Travie your wish list
I'd probably pull an Angelina and Brad Pitt
And adopt a bunch of babies that ain't never had shit
Give away a few Mercedes like 'Here lady have this'
And last but not least grant somebody their last wish
It's been a couple months that I've been single so
You can call me Travie Claus minus the Ho Ho
Ha ha get it? I'd probably visit where Katrina hit
And damn sure do a lot more than FEMA did
Yeah, can't forget about me, stupid
Everywhere I go, Imma have my own theme music

Oh every time I close my eyes (what you see what you see brah?)
I see my name in shining lights (uhuh uhuh yeah what else?)
A different city every night alright
I swear the world better prepare (for what?)
For when I'm a billionaire
I'll be playing basketball with the President
Dunking on his delegates
Then I'll compliment him on his political etiquette
Toss a couple milli in the air just for the heck of it
But keep the fives, twenties, tens and bens completely separate
And yeah I'll be in a whole new tax racket
We in recession but let me take a crack at it
I'll probably take whatever's left and just split it up
So everybody that I love can have a couple bucks
And not a single tummy around me would know what hungry was
Eating good, sleeping soundly
I know we all have a similar dream
Go in your pocket, pull out your wallet
And put it in the air and sing
I wanna be a billionaire so fucking bad (so bad)
Buy all of the things I never had (buy everything ha ha)
Uh, I wanna be on the cover of Forbes magazine
Smiling next to Oprah and the Queen (what up Oprah)

Oh every time I close my eyes, (watch ya see, what you see brah?)
I see my name in shining lights, (uh huh, uh huh, what else?)
A different city every night, oh I
I swear the world better prepare (for what?)
For when I'm a billionaire

I wanna be a billionaire so fucking bad!

27 August 2013

Color Never Dreamt



There were days when I never thought I would ever be able to find this song again. So now, I'm putting it here for the near infinity, saved for as long as the Internets will keep it safe here. The first time I heard it was on the Tonight Show. Yet for some reason, NBC has chosen to remove this video from circulation, so when I scoured their listing of past performers, I got NOTHING. 

The kind of obsession which ensued, the kind in which I wracked my brain cell and scoured my watch history on Youtube, searched for any number of country, bluegrass, NYC, trio, etc. etc. etc. should be a lesson in the following: 
  1. Write shit down
  2. Write shit down in more than one spot
  3. Use those 'Add to' buttons on Youtube
  4. Write shit down in more than two spots
The most maddening part was that I could hear it in my head, but not clearly, just jumbled....but I remember that it gave me chills and that I needed to hear it again. And I know when something dings at my brain, there's a reason and therefore, there was no stopping until I found it again. It's a song that gives me hope. A song that makes me feel when I can't feel anything. A song that helps me keep moving forward. Corny, certainly. True? Definitely. 

Listen to it. Over and over and over again until you get it. It won't take but once or twice and then you'll just want to keep hearing that message and that glorious sound.    


Even if I was lonely, even if I was broke
Even if all the dogs in the pound let me know
Saying it’s never over, it never ends
Grab the guns and the ammo, let us descend
To the darkest of prisons, and break their defense
We will rattle the cages, rules will be bent
Oh, remind us our days are all numbered not spent
And peace it comes easy, like mist on a ridge


Breathing in, breathing out, it’s all in my mouth
Gives me hope that I’ll be, something worth bleeding out
Breathing in, breathing out, it’s all in my mouth
Gives me hope that I’ll be, something worth bleeding out

All the worries folks tell us to break all of our ties
To our families and loved ones, we leave when we fly
To these cities we think we need in our lives
Oh you Manhattan jungle, you tangle our pride


Breathing in, breathing out, it’s all in my mouth
Gives me hope that I’ll be, something worth bleeding out
Breathing in, breathing out, it’s all in my mouth
Gives me hope that I’ll be, something worth bleeding out

All the buildings, they lean and they smile down on us
And they shout from their roof tops, words we can't trust
Like you’re dead, you are tired
You’re ruined, you're dust
Oh you will amount to nothing, like tanks full of rust

But we scream back at them
From below on the street
All in unison we sing, at times, been redeemed
We are all of the beauty, that has not been seen
We are full of the color, that’s never been dreamed
Well, nothing we need ever dies, yeah
Nothing we need ever dies, yeah
Nothing we need ever dies


Breathing in, breathing out, it’s all in my mouth
Gives me hope that I’ll be, something worth bleeding out
Breathing in, breathing out, it’s all in my mouth
Gives me hope that I’ll be, something worth bleeding out.

26 August 2013

Hydroplaning Mainframes

Yes, it's been a while. Been out and about, flitting around, trying to fit in, trying to fit out, trying to find out what will really make me shine. Sometimes chaotic, sometimes eerie calm. Sometimes unnaturally happy, sometimes, solemn. Silent. Thinking. Withdrawn.  That and creating new stuff, playing with yarn, designing things in my head, and finally getting to watch the first 5 seasons of Breaking Bad. Finally.  If nothing else, that show teaches a very astute lesson in personal responsibility and the potential for overwhelming anxiety caused by the choices we make as humans. Yet, in a sick sort of way, it also makes you realize that YOU are in control of your life and where it goes, and no matter who you are, how timid you may be or scared of stepping out on a limb, that ultimately whatever the Universe throws at you, it's up to YOU to deal with whatever comes your way. 
I picked up a copy of Elephunk a few weeks back because I'd never heard the entire album and mainly because I wanted a hard copy of this: 

Unlike anything else I'd ever heard from the group, when Anxiety began to play, it was mind boggling and very cool to say the least...and not to mention, very fitting for my frame of mind lately.  And now that we're well into Season 4 of Breaking Bad, I seriously think it would be so fitting for just about any episode of that show. Seriously. Fitting.  

So that's what's been up in this world. Nothing profound, just taking time to figure things out. Not that I feel I have all the time in the world, because I know I don't....which, in turn, causes a magical, metric fuqueton of this:  

Anxiety

I feel like I wanna smack somebody
Turn around and bitch slap somebody (bitch)
But I ain't goin' out bro (no, no, no)
I ain't givin' into it (no, no, no)
Anxieties bash my mind in
Terrorizing my soul like Bin Laden
But I ain't fallin' down bro (no, no, no)
I won't lose control bro (no, no, no)
Shackle and chained
My soul feels stained
I can't explain got an itch on my brain (itchy)
Lately my whole aim is to maintain
And regain control of my mainframe
My bloods boiling its beatin' out propane
My train of thoughts more like a runaway train
I'm in a fast car drivin' in a fast lane
In the rain and I'm might just hydroplane

I don't fear none of my enemies
And I don't fear bullets from Uzis
I've been dealing with something thats worse than these
That'll make you fall to your knees and thats the
The anxiety the sane and the insane rivalry
Paranoias brought me to my knees
Lord please please please
Take away my anxiety
The sane and the insane rivalry
Paranoias brought me to my knees
Lord please please please
Take away my anxiety

My head keeps running away my brother
The only thing making me stay my brother
But I won't give into it bro (no, no, no)
Gotta get myself back now
God, I can't let my mind be
Tell my enemy is my own
Gots to find my inner wealth
Gots to hold up my thoughts
I can't get caught (no, no, no)
I can't give into it now (no, no, no)
Emotions are trapped set on lock
Got my brain stuck goin through the motions
Only I know what's up
I'm filled up with pain
Tryin' to gain my sanity
Everywhere I turn its a dead end infront of me
With nowhere to go gotta shake this anxiety
Got me feelin' strange paranoia took over me
And its weighin' me down
And I can't run any longer, yo
Knees to the ground

I don't fear none of my enemies
And I don't fear bullets from Uzis
I've been dealing with something thats worse than these
That'll make you fall to your knees and thats my
My anxiety the sane and the insane rivalry
Paranoias brought me to my knees
Lord please please please
Take away my anxiety
The sane and the insane rivalry
Paranoias brought me to my knees
Lord please please please
Take away my anxiety

I don't fear none of my enemies
And I don't fear bullets from Uzis
I've been dealing with something thats worse than these
That'll make you fall to your knees and thats the
The anxiety the sane and the insane rivalry
Paranoias brought me to my knees
Lord please please please
Take away my anxiety
The sane and the insane rivalry
Paranoias brought me to my knees
Lord please please please
Take away my anxiety