29 May 2013

Guerrilla Wheels

Why do I keep coming back to this....and only this....

Because of this: 

It has to start somewhere, it has to start sometime, what better place than here, what better time than now..... 

Let's face it, I'm not your typical anything. I have my own beat. I have my own set of drums. I march wherever the hell I wanna march. Occasionally, I tried to dance to someone else's tunes, but ultimately, my speakers are louder.

These are the things I know to be true about myself:

  • I never was, am not now, nor will I ever be cut from 'corporate' or 'managerial' cloth
  • I hate fakery. Like my very wise father said (and many others) "If you don't have anything nice to say, say nothing at all". It kind of stung a bit, since he said that on a video made for our wedding day.....but I respect him more for that than for pretending that we have any sort of close-knit relationship
  • I have no patience when it comes to the workplace. Either you wanna work or you don't. Pick one. 
  • I have zero tolerance for animal haters. 
  • I love all animals. 
  • I don't love all humans
  • I would rather be alone on the side of a mountain in a cabin, writing my manifesto, whilst donning my black hoodie, and then knitting several blankets than to be in the middle of a party. I don't blend. 
  • I am an introvert by nature and probably genetics. 
  • I have zero tolerance for whining and constant complaint. If you're so very miserable, DO SOMETHING TO CHANGE IT. The constant negativity doesn't serve anyone any purpose other than to inject more negativity into your surroundings.  
  • Push me, I push back. Plain and simple. 
  • Play games with me, I play back.  Not that I WANT to play games, but, 'When in Rome...', right?  
  • I am beautiful. Not in every single way, mind you, but I am, indeed beautiful. I might not see it all the time, and you might not see it, if you have a certain set of standards by which you define beauty, but I am. Deal with it.  
  • Sometimes, I give up too easy.  Other times, I don't know when to quit.  
  • I am loyal. If you tell me something, it stays with me and goes nowhere else. Even if friendship dies, secrets stay secret when they are with me. Period. 
  • I detest backstabbing and passive-aggressive maneuverings.  If you have a problem with me, grow some cohones and say so, to my face. In other words, grow up. 
  • I'm not religious. I'm probably closer to an agnostic than an atheist, but atheists make a lot of pertinent and well-researched points. This does not mean that I think YOU should anti-religion too. It just means that when I find something I have to say about it, I will.  If you have something to say about your beliefs, say so. Thought can be provoked from any direction, if you keep your mind open. 
All that being said.....the time for change is now. The wheels in the sky, and in my head, are turning.....ideas are forming. Plans are being made.  Boldness definitely does have magic in it.  

27 May 2013

Swept Under, Swept Away

I'd have to say, at this point, that I'm fairly all the way mentally checked out on certain things. This tends to happen when things get swept under rugs, problems are ignored, people cease to communicate and resort to a more passive-aggressive treatment and things just all around go sour. I don't quite understand why or when things went to shit, but they certainly did. I don't know quite when I gave up and just started being like everyone else, but I did. I just can't be forced to care anymore. All I know is that life is just too short for so much drama, backstabbing and irrelevant bullshit and that I have so much more to offer than is appreciated currently. I don't delude myself....I'm just a warm body...and warm bodies are most certainly replaceable.

Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage.....

Truer words, right?  

I just can't see myself repeating this process day in, day out, ad infinitum.  I have words, I have heart, I have creativity. I am not going to waste away in a drone-like existence for the great good of corporate/retail profit margins. 

I did the best I could with what I was given, and oh, how dare I ever open my mouth and put voice to my frustrations. How dare I expect that anyone else would care to make improvements where improvements definitely need to be made.  That won't change when I'm gone. There are plenty of rugs...plenty of brooms. It was that way before I showed up, and I highly doubt that well will run dry any time soon.  

Jobs, like humans, are replaceable. This was, in all reality and after peeling away the  delusion that I mattered at all, just a job. There are more. 

09 May 2013

Socioparasites and Other Nasty Pests

It's not a happy wake up....but it's probably a wake up somewhat long overdue.....

I don't stand atop some lofty mountain spewing out wisdom....but when you've been where I've been, seen what I've seen and done what I've done, and lived to tell about it...maybe you know just a little bit more than the younger generation.  

I'm kinda pissed.  Kinda really pissed....and sick to death of drama, whiny-azz bullshit and overall malaise at developing any kind of work ethic...and it's not just ONE person, it's like a whole multi-generational kind of thing that makes me want to pound my head on my stainless steel work table until it rolls off my neck.  Maybe it's just my particular place of employ, or maybe not...(kinda leaning towards the later). 

Maybe I'm just upset that no matter how hard I try, no matter how reliable I am, no matter how dedicated I am to making improvements related to my job....no matter....it all falls on deaf ears and blind eyes and despite all my rage, I truly am just a rat in a cage....

Mainly, because these things I know: 
  • The haters...they are ALWAYS gonna hate.  No matter what, no matter who, they just hate. 
  • A warm, breathing, even non-working, body is better than nobody at all, right?  
  • The work I do, the money I make, the people I draw in....doesn't serve to line my pockets and it never will until the day when I'm in business for myself.  
  • Being reliable is NOT a job requirement. Being conscientious? Also not a requirement. Nor is attention to detail, following simple, clearly outlined directions or listening to reason.  
I am flummoxed by people in positions of authority who will not address serious personnel issues. I don't want lip service...I want results. I want others to care as much as I do, but clearly that will never happen. So, I can either join the masses of other life-sucking rats and just be a body....or I can make a difference in my OWN life and keep searching for greener, more honest pastures. 

I should not, after giving and giving and giving, get so much grief when I fall ill.  I don't PLAN to fall ill, I don't plan for my health to fail occasionally and I do not ENJOY calling off. However, at this late date in life, you can punish me all you want with all manner of points and write ups.....but it will NEVER make me put myself on the back burner.  Instead, when it comes time for reprimand, I will show up with doctor notes and the other necessary accouterments to prove that I was indeed not well, and that I did, indeed, attempt to handle such a situation responsibly. Shit does happen....and if adjustments can be made for someone so they can go to a high school prom, or people can call off because they get a "dent" in their giganormous leg or call off because they can't handle being told the truth, then, I would THINK that someone who shows up regularly, rarely ever calls in sick (but does, when she is too sick because working around food and being sick is just stupid) warrants a bit of leeway and understanding.  

Then again, rat...meet wheel. Wheel inside cage. 

Just. Sayin'.