04 March 2012

I Can't See

Sometimes, if the Universe is mum at the waking point, it decides to scream at me the loudest when I am NOT awake. Having been up since 3:40 AM, I decided today, my day off, to take a brief nap. I really should know better, because when I take naps, it usually results in some twisted, Clive Barker-ish sort of nightmare. And since there is really no song that came to mind, before I started writing this, I just Googled "Blind Lyrics"...and found this to be the most fitting result...

Why? Because right smack in the middle of today's twisted nap dream, I went blind. Not like blind, as in the auras I get when I'm about to get a migraine-level headache...but seriously, dark, wall-grabbing, fumbling around, tripping over shit BLIND. To make matters worse, it was one of those dreams within a dream kind of thing...because I thought I got up, out of bed....because my beloved woke me up...and I thought I had WAY overslept on the nap thing. It was like my brain froze on one image, like when the antenna fuquers up and the picture on the tv screen gets stuck......everything was still moving, I could hear it, hear the voices, etc., but all I could see was that one stuck image. All along the way, other things were happening simultaneously? A very disturbingly ominous sky was forming outside (probably thanks to the recent storms, that image), a ton of rain, a call from an insurance agency (no doubt, due to the recent deer attack) and storage tubs, you know those plastic tubs with the lids....and our house, only our house with a metric fuckton of added rooms, closets and strange people milling about. 

There was talk of getting rid of all the clutter left behind by our daughter. Talk of signing claim forms for insurance. And a highly agitated beloved who was not dealing well with my inability to see combined with an impending storm of unknown origins. 

Not one's idea of a sweet dream by a long shot. Not mine. 

So I guess what I glean from this rousing round of unconsciousness is this...

1. Get moving. You never know when something's going to come along and change things so drastically that it takes away your ability to do one thing or another. 

2. LOOK.  Really look at things. Really SEE things. Take in all the visual material you can stomach, including the faces of those you love, the animals, the sky, the world. Take it in while you still CAN take it in. 

3. I've really been blind when it comes to certain people in my life. It's time to wake up, smell the Cafe Mocha-infused coffee and get on with the business of living, all while seeing things very, very clearly.

4. It's time. Time to get that room cleaned out and to make that room into my own.....along with the room that will soon become my beloved's Man-Cave. It's. Just. Time. 

Apart from all that, I know my beloved was sad to hear of the passing of Ronnie Montrose. So, this is for him....


Anonymous said...

Miss you Deb.

Miragi said...

I would say that I miss you too, but since you're being anonymous, I cannot determine whether that would be fact or fiction. :P