31 March 2012

Swimming In A Fish Bowl

This came screaming forth from the radio this morning...

I used to listen to this alot when my Beloved was "out there".....it always made me think of him. Now, now that he's here, we're no longer two lost souls. This makes me happy. 

Thing(s) that make me NOT happy? 

-Non-winning lottery numbers

I had so many plans for all that cash!! :D  Not really....pipe dreams, and all.  Maybe next time.  

30 March 2012

And I Told You To Be Balanced...

I have ADD. Maybe. Maybe not....maybe it's just something I found to describe my flitting personality. Maybe ADD doesn't even exist. Either way, I was visiting Twitter, when I saw a post by Whitney Cummings, so then I visited her page, and then I saw the link to her blog, here..., and then after several pages of meandering, I found that she had posted this...

Her exact words went something like this: 

my sister sent this song to me today very randomly so that means something - the universe might want everyone to have it...

Did you see that?  The UNIVERSE might want everyone to have it. The Universe. That thing I mention nearly every time I've got something to say here.  It's funny how that silly Universe works.....I don't really GET the song in it's entirety, yet this blip sticks out:

And I told you to be patient
And I told you to be fine
And I told you to be balanced
And I told you to be kind 

Yesterday was hard. Not in any overly dramatic, woe is me kind of way....but because this showed up...

I'm the UN-Balanced girl who would adopt any and every stray woodland and domestic creature (barring the arrival of skunks and possums, that is) and do whatever I could to make them have a happy life. I didn't know where he came from, but it was obvious he had broken free, carrying along part of his steel-cable tie out and sporting a collar. He was a big baby with a howl and whine that nearly broke my heart in two.  

Long story very much shortened, at the end of the day, after taking him to the local animal shelter, we finally located the owners.  While part of me is comforted knowing that they NOW know where he is and go collect him, part of me fears that maybe they will just leave him there. That cannot happen. I don't know what I will do, but I will DO something. I will NOT be responsible for another dog being 'put down' just because there is no room at the inn, because people can't seem to manage their animals. He WILL have a home. He will.  Just praying that he goes back with his family...which included other howling beauties. 

So, whilst I was probably not patient, and definitely am not all that balanced, at least I know that part of me is, indeed, kind.  

I also know that love shows up in the strangest forms. Who knew I'd ever fall for a hound dog?  

27 March 2012

No Light In Sunny Rooms Without You

No alarm today, just some random, weird, twangy, subconscious or real noise that dinged me awake. Weird. Dreamed of people that I once used to get along with, be friends with, etc., who no longer have any sort of role in my life and, for the foreseeable future, will NOT ever be in my life again. Combined with strange people and places I've never seen. The mind does silly, silly things when the rest of you is slumbering away.

I've been blessed, particularly with the advent of computers and internet connections, to have heard some of the most breathtaking, heart-wrenching voices in the entire Universe. Most said voices come wrapped up in people that you would never suspect of having such beauty within. That faithful life lesson of never judging books by their dust jackets!   

The young man I saw last night, by way of one Caroline Manzo, of The Real Housewives of New Jersey (of whom I do follow on the Book of Faces) shared this.

For sooooooome reason, when I tried to add it via Blogger's Youtube tool, it decided to BE a tool and say that all these videos were blocked.....so if you should have trouble getting to it from here, I highly recommend you visit this link...here

26 March 2012

It's Only Mountains and Mad, Mad Bunnies

Up early, le gasp! No alarm, no blaring cacophonies this morning, just this running through my head...

Not entirely sure what anyone was thinking with that VIDEO...but the song, I like! 

Sitting here reviewing me. Wondering why I am the way I am. Wondering what it will take to make me a better person. Not that I'm a horrifically evile soul, yet, I know I need improvement. I could apologize til 10 other people are blue in the face, yet it won't erase the mistakes, and it won't mean that I'll be any different. 

Stupid as the concept was, and designed to demonstrate how ridiculous certain beings can be, the whole Fear/Love thing in Donnie Darko was sort of spot-on.  

Some things you do out of fear, be it conscious or subconscious. Other things you do out of love. And there are definitely gray areas in that entire spectrum of human emotion. Deep, I know. Too deep for me, this early in the day. 

I just know that I usually do pay for my mistakes in one way or another. But I also get rewarded, sometimes, when things are done right. I just want to be seen for what I do right, rather than having all my flaws highlighted. Not so much to ask. Just have to accomplish more rights than wrongs, right? 

It's the start of a new week, starting a few new things today, and thinking about starting to work on me. I don't have access to a bunny suit and wormholes usually don't float around me, so I can't go back and change things, but I can move forward. 

Gently borrowed from here...

Get mad. Then do something. 

25 March 2012

Guaranteed To Blow Your Mind

The alarms have gone off the past few days, but my brain cell can't seem to recognize the sounds.....but I did hear this yesterday morning, at work....

I adored Queen when I was little. There was nothing infused, no knowledge of who anyone was or of their sexual preference and too naive to comprehend any inferences. It just sounded good. Good's not even the right word.  I don't know. I liked the COLORFUL music (still do) and back then, Queen stood out against all the other stuff that pretty much sounded the same to my very young ears.  It also helped that my parents didn't know anything about Freddy Mercury either, lest they surely would have prevented me from listening to anything by the band, much like they did when they listened to all the gossipy shit about Prince. But that's for another time (long story). 

Tight harmonies, theatrical compositions. That, I like. Much like the soundtrack for Moulin Rouge. If you get past the cheeziness of the film itself, it boggles the mind that the creative geniuses can listen to so much music and then turn, twist, and mold it into something completely new, all while leaving it totally recognizable. That shit amazes me, no matter the musical genre. 

Stuff like that, no, it's not the stuff that makes me get all nostalgic and think of certain events in life...it's just the stuff that motivates and inspires me to learn new things. Other music, in my head, I see as seasonal. Like Tesla (mostly the acoustic renditions) reminds me of Spring, storms, and that lovely, balmy air. 

Type O Negative, on the other hand, is most DEFINITELY for Autumn. Especially perfect for October. 

There's no exceptionally OVERT message from the Universe this morning. Probably because it's too damned early to be up and THINKING......but maybe it's just this:  Find the music that makes your soul sing and go with it, others and their opinions be damned.  Music, while not essential for breathing, sure makes life a lot easier to digest!  

23 March 2012

Momma's Gonna Help Build A Wall

Holy Fuquetarts! I slept until the alarm went off! This was on the air...

One of my all-time (is that hyphenated, one word, two separate words? Who knows?)...favorite songs. Reminds me of my own mother.....

Speaking of walls, I am constructing one which will surround me and keep me sane and above-board. This work thing is really gnawing at my brain cell, and as you know, I don't have but one to spare, so I've got to keep it safe, right?  

I don't play games. I don't swim around in the gossip toilet. I have been late once, by all of one minute, I get back early from breaks, I don't call in, I can be called in when someone else calls in, I've only requested one day off, I don't lie, I don't steal, I do my work, I go above and beyond and do MORE than what is required.  So, what about me deserves to be treated in a suspect manner? What have I done to these people? 

From this point forward, I think the best course of action is just to completely shut my mouth, shut myself off from any and all that would love to cause havoc just because, I guess, they are bored. Just go, do my thing, and leave well enough alone. I think, deep down, we all just want to be appreciated and acknowledged for our hard work. Instead, it would seem, that if you are a good person, an intelligent being who wants to do well, then others get insecure and feel the need to bring you down several notches to their level. 

Not doing it. No one is going to make all my nightmares come true. Until I can figure out exactly what I want to be when I grow up and I can find something better suited to me, I will make do with what I have and continue to prove them wrong....(first, I should probably REALLY learn what it is they are thinking and saying about me), but prove them wrong, I indeed will.  

In other news, the latest dvd-released season of Weeds arrived yesterday, and as my Beloved so aptly stated, we have begun to 'blow our load' and zip right through each of the scantly-supplied 3 discs. THAT. ROCKS. 

21 March 2012

Seven Pounds of Sugar

No alarm. Alarming. Just reviewing. Yesterday was a good day. Ended with one of the saddest movies ever....

And if the movie wasn't enough, this particular part of the score is so incredibly perfect in its simplicity....

Not a huge fan of Will Smith, the PERSON, but damn can he ACT! 

Watching that movie opened my eyes to the fact that all the bullshit at work is just that...bullshit. There are so many other things of higher import to think about. That, and I won't be texting and driving any more, like ever....watch it. You'll see.  

Watching the movie also made me realize that more and more, I just want to move away and live some place like this...

Borrowed delicately from here...

In the meantime, we've been doing Spring cleaning of sorts, and working on our assorted play rooms.....my Beloved's man-cave and my free-for-all room....which, I have decided after much consternation, will be in a shade of THIS...

Gently and lovingly borrowed from here...

So, I suppose, the Universe, through that movie and assorted imagery, would like me to open up my eyes a BIT wider, look around, and realize, that life is so much more than the ensuing drama at work. It really is. 
In other words...

A piece of cake. 

20 March 2012

If You Need Water

Not much going on today in the world of me. No alarm, but I think I actually slept in til 4:00 AM. That is correct...FOUR!  Trying to remain calm and collected about all the workplace drama. Realizing that it would be futile to run off on a rage. It would accomplish absolutely zero. Things that calm me...things that calm me....things like this song...

Happy thoughts. That's what I will start thinking. As we sat watching the (never disappointing in its depressive qualities) news, my Beloved said that he's "tired of sad". So true. There is so much more to life than the pain, destruction and heartache that we carry out on each others as a species. So, in that light, the things that go on in the work place are nothing but TRIVIAL. It's a part of my life, sure, but it is NOT going to define me nor will it bring me sinking down to the level in which others wish to dwell. Won't do it. 

At the moment, we're anxiously awaiting the arrival of this...

Unlike those that the Madison Avenue peoples would have us believe live with all life's modern conveniences, like satellite and cable tv (and unlimited internet)...(HAAAAAAAA), we don't have those things. We don't even have a DVR. (GASP!!!) So, when we see something that we really WANT to watch, we buy a season, then if we like it, we get the rest. Probably spending tons less cash than we would for a yearly subscription to unlimited noise from the picture box. Yeah, so we're way behind on cultural happenings, people, etc. Besides, if you OWN the series-es....for lack of a better expression, you don't have to wait for however many months for the next round to begin, unless you've run out of dvds to watch, and you're all caught up and the series is still in production.....and you can experience it all AGAIN if you so choose. 

Besides, Spring is being all SPRINGY and we are both itching to get OUTSIDE and do things better than before. Planning the garden, the yardwork and the someday in the future repairs and improvements to the inside and outside of our humble, yet spacious domain. If I could just hold the world's most giganormous garage sale, I'm sure I could rake in at least $500 bucks for the cause and clear out an amazingly mind-boggling fuckton of clutter!  (Seriously, I like to dream that it'd bring in 5 TIMES that amount, but who are we kidding, when people don't want to even pay ONE DOLLAR for a faux fur purple coat!)  

So today is all about planting, planning, some knitting and just continuing to get better.  Work be damned. It'll be here soon enough, like in the morning.  

The Universe would like you to get off your bum and go outside. I mean, it's the FIRST DAY of SPRING, we had the world's funkiest, warmest, 83 degree last day of WINTER yesterday, and things are reaching full bloom outside. Get out there. Feel it. Smell it. Sit on it. Roll around in it (except for where your dog poos). INhale. EXhale. Ahhhhhhhhh. Spring. Here. Limited time only. 

18 March 2012

On Being Negative

Up before my Beloved's alarm....how alarming!  So many things to do today, so little brain cell capacity to get it all done. Thinking alot about negative behaviors, negative responses, negative self image and just to throw you a curve, Type O Negative...

Typically, not a day goes by that I don't listen to or think about something Type O-related. I mean, when a band comes into your life during the more or less FORMATIVE years, it kind of makes a dent that can't be pounded out. Especially when a person within said band takes an especially early leave, and then reminds you, as they always did sing, that...

There, simply, just will never be another collection of people that will make so. much. sense. The other members have moved on, some remaining in music, the other taking a completely different turn. And as much as I want to adore their new projects, it's just not the same. Something is just amiss. 

Apart from missing them, I'm missing links within myself that will take me where I want to be, I fear. I had high, high hopes for my new (4-month old) job. I went into it with a different mindset. But of course, negativity being what it is, it picked and picked and poked and prodded at me, until now, I can feel myself getting sucked right into the middle of other people's bullshit and drama. I FUCKING HATE THAT! I just want to go to work, do my job well, get better, laugh, be productive and know that I'm doing something to better myself. But, as per usual, there's this constant battle between good humor and ill will. Me, being on the good humor side, looking at those with nothing but ill will, and wanting to vomit all over them.  

I just don't get it. I still don't know how to approach it, and I refuse to spend every waking moment fretting over it. It just pisses me off to no end. People way older than me, embroiled in their gossip and backstabbing and bullshit.....people need to grow the fuck up. I don't like being lied to. I don't like being stabbed in the back by people that don't even begin to know me. I don't like back and forth, he said, she said bullshit....

Which reminds me of this...

You just wanna scream in someone's face. Not even anyone in particular, except for maybe that freak that decided to make sexually-charged comments about my unwrapping a loaf of cheese yesterday. HIM, I would have absolutely NO problem screaming at...and then lodging said cheese loaf directly at his head. 

I'm really trying to keep my head above water, here. Trying to avoid letting it all bring me down. Trying to hold on to the hope that someone will see my worth and understand that I am TOO fucking old for this shit. 

Mayhaps the Universe is screaming something extremely important to me....but I'm too busy being utterly peeved to hear it right now. Maybe the message is this:  I'm better than this. I've been brought to my knees by way bigger things than this. Roadblocks are the Universe's way of teaching you how to make your own path and leave the potholes in the past. 


16 March 2012

Tattered, Torn and Frayed

Up early, with SOMETHING blaring out from the radio, something which I could not identify and the Beloved was too asleep to help me out. Spring has SPRUNG around here!  Which, for some reason, makes me want to listen to Tesla. Part of my youth, part of my not-so-youth, and part of my now....songs like this...

Just makes me want to get in the car, roll the windows down, crank up the volume and drive.....feeling the warm breeze, smelling Spring air, especially after a good storm.....ok, enough of that poetical waxing....

Yesterday was an exceptionally perfect day. We are working at making serious changes to our health and dietary intake, so a lot of it focused on foods. Went to lunch at Ruby Tuesday, because they do have one excellent salad bar and quite a few healthier choices on their menu. Then we went to the Fort Wayne Museum of Art , where it's FREE on Thursdays. Bonus! Most of the small museum stages works of assorted high school students from around the NE Indiana/NW Ohio schools. I have to say, some of these kids are WAY beyond their years when it comes to artistic vision and the ability to bring that vision to life. Stunning shit!  I wish, I WISH I could show you and I WISH it would have been for sale!  Not that I have a boatload of cash to drop on art, but damn!  

Then, we walked into a gallery and saw the works of American artists, such as Bruno Surdo and Suzie (Suzanne) Dittenber. Surdo's MASTERPIECE "The Re-Emergence of Venus" (You can see it on his FB page, well part of it anyway) was so very mesmerizing that you just had to stand there, stand back, stand close, move to one side, move to the middle, move to the other side, find a ladder and stand UP to take every bit of it in. Other than that, the gallery is fairly small and just didn't have ENOUGH to look at. Bummer but it was something we haven't done in YEARS, so it was just perfect. 

After that, we drove around, got lost, sort of, and found our way back to the 3Rivers Co-Op Natural Foods store. The smell of the store was amazing....got a pound of organic steel-cut oats for a buck, and the perfect amount of nutritional yeast (going Vegan will NOT be easy, but it will be DONE at least for 3 weeks) for $0.15...that's right, FIFTEEN CENTS!!!  And now we know where we can find a fuqueton of different rices in all shades, shapes and flavors, beans, and Vegan cheeses....the vitamin/supplement selection was not as good as The Health Food Shoppe over on Anthony, but they did have a TON of medicinal herbs, essential oils and stuff to peruse.  All in all, prices are steep  no matter which place you shop at because it's organic, natural, vegan shit....so you have to pay more regardless. 

None of this really relates to Universal messages, or even music, and probably belongs on one of my other blogs, but it is what it is and yesterday was what it was, perfect.  

Maybe the message is this:  When you get out and do something different than what you have been doing, you learn things, you see things, and you realize things you never thought of before. IN other words, LIVE your life, just don't sit and watch it go by.  

Happy Friday!  

14 March 2012

I Believe I've Waited Long Enough

No alarm, but I did get over SEVEN hours of sleep. Amazing, I KNOW!  Taking into consideration the events of the past few days, this is where my head is at...

from Walk

I'm learning to walk again
I believe I've waited long enough
Where do I begin?
I'm learning to talk again
Can't you see I've waited long enough
Where do I begin? 

Maybe it's just me, maybe it's all in my head, but I don't know HOW to believe in me. There's no guidebook. No rules by which to follow. So, I have to learn on my own. Old habits die hard. I have an impeccable lack of style, lack of grace and lack of timing. I just tend to blurt out whatever is on my mind at that moment, because that IS what I am feeling at THAT moment. I'm not a manipulator. I don't scheme and plan to cause grief. I'm just a soul that does the best she can on any given day to get THROUGH that day, somewhat happy, healthier and alive. 

My head spins on occasion. I lose my way on more occasions. I make mistakes on regular occasion. It's who I am. Slow learner, maybe. So, do tell me, WHERE exactly do I begin to make myself right. Where do I begin to make myself better? 

These things I know: 

  • I love my Beloved
  • I love my children
  • I love my animals and all animals, really...well, except for probably oppossums and rats, but still....
Those are certainties. The rest, it's a crap shoot, and life really is what you make of it, right?  

13 March 2012

Rage Against the Me

I know the alarm went off this morning, but I cannot begin to even remember what was playing. This song has been rather prevalent in the past 24 hours, however...

Playing in my car, playing on someone else's Facebook feed, playing in my head.  It's just tight, this song. I really do have to start buying up some of their stuff, I really do. I just get kind of lazy. I'm like "Oh yeah, I love this..." and then in five minutes, I totally forget and flit about to the next thing in my cranial cavity.  

Then there is this...

I never heard of Long Day Fear until I found Tairrie B on Facebook. If you've followed this blog at all, you KNOW my absolute adoration of Ms. B. So when Mr. Woolgrove added me as a friend and I saw that we had Ms. B in common, acceptance was immediate!  Little did I know that meeting Richie would lead me to form one of the bestest long distance friendships, or friendships at all, that I've had.....with his sister, my beloved Eliza. We just get each other. There's an age gap, smallish, but otherwise, we have much the same sense of humor, the same types of struggles and it's just a good fit!  

As for the band, I don't know any of them, but Richie, but I have listened to the music, and I do say I like it! To me, and I am NO sort of musical expert whatsoever, it's just straightforward, no bullshit, heavy hitting, bouncy shit (shit, in a good way...not the poo way). And in the recent world of Metal, where all these youngsters try to outsound like each other, Long Day Fear stands out in their field....sometimes, even literally...like this...

Funny, it's a field of ROCKs. :D  

So MAYBE what the Universe would like you and I to know today is that you just have to do your OWN thing. Everything else be damned.  I've made so many mistakes in life, some I keep making, but all I can do is get back up and try again and again and again.....

Balls to the wall, man....

12 March 2012

Down in My Park

Not sure why, but failing the appearance of any music from the radio this morning, this song has been looping around my brain cell for the past several days....

And I do mean LOOPING......and yet I never knew it was a remake of this...

So much music, so few ears on my head to take it all in.....but I've gotta say that I do like the cover better than the original. It's very mellow and funky all at the same time, plus it sounds good LOUD in my car. 

I get bored with music. Probably because I get on a kick, play the hell of something or someone, then blah. And usually, if I hear a song on a show or on the radio and then I think the rest of that artist's material is going to be good, I'm in a for a big let down.  Take Sia, for instance. I can't even pronounce her name, but I love this song to pieces....

Mainly because I don't think there could EVER have been a more perfect song to conclude Six Feet Under. It was absolutely PERFECTION in musical form. So I'm thinking, her other stuff has got to be just as amazing. Wrong. Bought the album, listened once, sold it. Yawn x about 3. Wow. Which is why I guess this whole new world of obtaining music works so much better than it did in the past when you were stuck with one album...now you can just go pick, choose and collect as many singles as your little heart desires. 

I don't think there's much of a Universal message for or from me today. Maybe just find what you like and take it with you on the drive to work. Makes the time go much faster! 

Happy Monday! 

11 March 2012

I Ain't Ain't What I Am

I guess it should be no shock that when I failed to remember to SPRING FORWARD and set the clocks ahead yesterday, that THIS was the song ushering forth from the cubically shaped radio this morning...

As in, if you like that trick, just give me a minute....you ain't seen NOTHING yet..... 

Whilst I haven't gotten any bad reviews or criticism at work, I often have this underlying feeling that I am just not doing enough. I'm not as fast as people who have time to stand around and talk. I'm not as talented. I'm just not....enough. But I think most of that is in my own mind. It's not like I have any set goal...I really do just show up because I actually like my job. Thus far, I've done a damned good job of catching on, having been thrown every type of work there is to do within my departments, but when you only get a set amount of time on any one thing, it doesn't give you much time to adapt and build speed. 

Perhaps the Universe would like me to know that, today and every day forward, it's up to me...and if you think I've sucked or if you think I've done great, you ain't seen NOTHING yet.

10 March 2012

Turning, Spinning Heads

O.o.   I actually slept til the alarm went off!  Can you believe it? Nor can I!!!  But this is what I woke up to...

Catchy tune. Doesn't really speak to my current state of mind, but maybe it applies elsewhere. Like to a certain child's total inability to acknowledge anything than what is directly in front of her that she WANTS to acknowledge. In other words, she paints anything black that gets in her way of a good time. C'est la Vie and all that.  

Avoidance is key. For all of us, I guess. She avoids reality...I avoid talking to her because I know it does THIS to me...

In order to avoid any ugly incidents where my head would actually start to rotate and spew forth split pea soupy vomit....

I just keep moving forward. I want nothing but the best for her, and some part of me knows that this will not happen with my involvement, so therefore, I detach. I'm always here, but I'm not going to force myself, my love, my advice or anything else in her direction. Been there, and definitely done THAT and know for certain that it never worked in the past. You can't get repeat the same steps and expect to get different results, right? So says some Dr. Phil person. 

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, it is Saturday. Another day of tossing donuts about and smiling on the outside ensues. 

Hope you have a most excellent weekend!  

09 March 2012

Shallots and Butterflies

So, yeah, never mind the alarm. I'm all about learning how to finagle my way around this new-fangled Pinterest site...and I come across this...

And now, Blogger is deciding to be a complete and utter bitch as related to formatting THIS particular post, so now I have to write in the HTML editor to see if I can actually write it....That was stupid. That and I am technologically challenged, so yeah....

ANYWHOOOOOOOOOO, I made a board on Pinterest for garden stuff. Big WHOOP, I know! but of course the first thing that popped in my head, whilst creating a name for said board, was this...

So witty, I know!  I can honestly say that this is probably the only Iron Butterfly song that I know or can name. I'm pretty much NOT the psychedelic type. I'm more of a Waterhouse painting trapped in the body of an oaf. Think Ophelia meets Shrek's wife (can't remember her name right now..nor do I have the talent to Photoshop the two together.....(if you do, however, I would LOVE to see it!! :D). These shall have to suffice...

Me (on the inside) 
Very delicately borrowed from here...

Me (In reality...well, with black hair instead of red...)
Not so gently borrowed from here...

You can imagine. While the delicate, supremely adorned inner me would be gliding gracefully around the beautifully furnished garden...the real me would instead be doing more of a waddle/shuffle, observing the not so beautifully furnished backyard and subsequent alfalfa field.  

It's all in the mind, though, right?  What you think is what you get. I suppose the Universe would like me to realize that if I think I am Fiona, I will be....and so if I then reverse thinking and instead see myself as The Lady of Shallott, I too can don Stevie Nicks-esque apparel and glide all over hell and back with nary a mistake or foible to be made. 

For today, though, I think I'll just don my work uniform and go play amongst the baked goods.  Happy Friday!  

08 March 2012

Sugar Blues

Nothing comes forth from an alarm clock that never gets to go off. Just me and my one brain cell, up a good hour before the alarm even had a chance to think about working. Now that 99% of the drama in our life has been eradicated, the focus has once again turned to more basic needs, such as breathing and all the things that make that function easier and healthier.

The only tune that comes to mind is this...

Granted the lyrics don't apply and they sure as hell don't make any sense to me whatsoever, but I still always kind of liked this song, mainly because of the melody and her presentation thereof. 

I've been trying for years to become a healthier version of myself. Key word: Trying. Being a fiend for just about anything Susan Powter writes or talks about (well, about anything is a huge stretch, but she's packed FULL of useful information, that woman!), I once heard her mention a book called "Sugar Blues" during a discussion about sugar. Shocking. 

And, while I always looked for it at random bookstores, I never made a concerted effort to OBTAIN it until just recently. It's not the newest, hottest, latest, greatest. It's an older book, to me it looks like it came straight forth from the 70's. Yet, it's one of those things that makes light bulbs pop on and the brain cell sit up and pay attention. 

Sugar has been everpresent in our lives since our beginnings (mine and my beloved's) and unfortunately, for my kids as well. You do what you know, until you learn better, right? So, whilst we are attempting to completely overhaul our habits and our health, battling the sugar temptations is somewhat at the forefront right now. 

I guess one could glean a Universal message out of all this....and it would be this...

It's NEVER too late to change. (Until you're dead, that is). 

This coming from the woman who spends at least 50% of her time working in a bakery, surrounded by sugar. If I can work in a bakery and NOT eat the sweets, there is hope for EVERYONE!  

05 March 2012

Creaking Houses and Running Circles

Can't even begin to imagine WHY I could NOT get to sleep last night. Too many things going on, I suppose. Waiting on news of my son's arrival in California, the very NOT-so-quiet sounds of my beloved and the other bed resident, Dio, snoring in unison or simultaneously, medication, who knows.....

Which makes this song particularly fitting for last night's mood...

Poor nekkid kitty.....I feel sorry for that particular feline breed. Must get CHILLY!  

Anywho, so apart from the lack of sleep, which I finally got by way of two blankets, one couch, and one not-so-dainty Dio lying on top of me, this song has been bouncing around my brain cell for the past day or so...

I break right through....

Which, I suppose, is just the Universe trying to tell me that what doesn't kill me makes me that much stronger, wiser and a little grayer around the edges...except for when I muster up the energy to color my hair!  

With a huge amount of changes coming our way in the next few weeks, I guess it also means that as long as I keep pushing myself to be better, I'll make a breakthrough here and there. Hopefully!  

In the meantime, gotta break out my writing fingers and get to work over at Cooking Squared, because, believe you me, I'm going to have a TON of things to talk about. In the meantime, enjoy some fine David Grohl imagery and bounce around the living room or something.  

04 March 2012

I Can't See

Sometimes, if the Universe is mum at the waking point, it decides to scream at me the loudest when I am NOT awake. Having been up since 3:40 AM, I decided today, my day off, to take a brief nap. I really should know better, because when I take naps, it usually results in some twisted, Clive Barker-ish sort of nightmare. And since there is really no song that came to mind, before I started writing this, I just Googled "Blind Lyrics"...and found this to be the most fitting result...

Why? Because right smack in the middle of today's twisted nap dream, I went blind. Not like blind, as in the auras I get when I'm about to get a migraine-level headache...but seriously, dark, wall-grabbing, fumbling around, tripping over shit BLIND. To make matters worse, it was one of those dreams within a dream kind of thing...because I thought I got up, out of bed....because my beloved woke me up...and I thought I had WAY overslept on the nap thing. It was like my brain froze on one image, like when the antenna fuquers up and the picture on the tv screen gets stuck......everything was still moving, I could hear it, hear the voices, etc., but all I could see was that one stuck image. All along the way, other things were happening simultaneously? A very disturbingly ominous sky was forming outside (probably thanks to the recent storms, that image), a ton of rain, a call from an insurance agency (no doubt, due to the recent deer attack) and storage tubs, you know those plastic tubs with the lids....and our house, only our house with a metric fuckton of added rooms, closets and strange people milling about. 

There was talk of getting rid of all the clutter left behind by our daughter. Talk of signing claim forms for insurance. And a highly agitated beloved who was not dealing well with my inability to see combined with an impending storm of unknown origins. 

Not one's idea of a sweet dream by a long shot. Not mine. 

So I guess what I glean from this rousing round of unconsciousness is this...

1. Get moving. You never know when something's going to come along and change things so drastically that it takes away your ability to do one thing or another. 

2. LOOK.  Really look at things. Really SEE things. Take in all the visual material you can stomach, including the faces of those you love, the animals, the sky, the world. Take it in while you still CAN take it in. 

3. I've really been blind when it comes to certain people in my life. It's time to wake up, smell the Cafe Mocha-infused coffee and get on with the business of living, all while seeing things very, very clearly.

4. It's time. Time to get that room cleaned out and to make that room into my own.....along with the room that will soon become my beloved's Man-Cave. It's. Just. Time. 

Apart from all that, I know my beloved was sad to hear of the passing of Ronnie Montrose. So, this is for him....

03 March 2012

You Can't Imagine The Horror

What a hellacious week/end of storms passing over the country! No alarm yet again, just the sound of blustery bullshite outside the window. We've been nothing short of fortunate in our lives to never have suffered through the kind of devastation left in the wake of such storms. Many times, I really thought we might become part of the many who have, but always, we've been spared. Doesn't mean it won't happen, though, and believe me, I do realize that!  

Thinking about that made me think about this....

I really don't see myself as a runner...yet, who knows. Mostly, I just run right THROUGH the middle of things. Like that bull in the china shop.....making all sorts of messes along the way.  It always kind of appalls me when I see clips like this, where someone just bolts, leaving loved ones behind. I guess it really is that Fight or Flight instinct in motion.

To me, though, I tend to relate more with this....

Kicking and screaming my way through life. Totally putting my faith, hope, love, trust and loyalty into the one person I cannot fathom being without......we face a lot of bullshite together. Yet, I really do NOT need my hand held...and I do know that I am strong enough to face things alone. I just don't PREFER to do so. 

I don't know if there's a message within all this. It just is what it is. Happy Saturday! 

02 March 2012

Blow It To Hell And Gone

I can't even sleep when I don't HAVE to be awake. I love that about my brain. So here I sit, up since before 3 AM. The main thing on my lone brain cell is probably this song...

Just one of the many things my beloved added to the cds he made for me....something I don't hear often and yet get lost in it everytime I do. It's so true. I wish we could just hunker down and blow up the outside world, along with all its bullshit. Doesn't everybody?  

I would love to build the world's most luxurious bomb shelter, complete with a biosphere, for gardening, an entertainment room, a HUGE kitchen, the fluffiest couches and chairs and of course, my yarn room....and just get away from all the anger, violence, hate, politics and other nonsense that we can't escape. I really would.  

But, in the meantime, as I mentioned elsewhere this morning, what doesn't kill us most definitely makes us stronger, if not more pissed off!  Cheers!

01 March 2012

Go Live Your Life

So, it has come to my attention that I am a full-on idiot. Not a complete shock there, but still......so all the while I was ranting and raving and acting the lunatic last week, really my anger and frustration were totally misdirected.  Which makes me kind of...,.

Not even kind of...just really......

Not a feeling I like having, but I can face the music when I have to. It's entirely my fault for thinking that this time things would be different. This time, I wouldn't be so gullible. And yet, I was. All apologies to those involved and to you, dear readers, for having had to put up with my stupidity. I truly am an ass.  

Gently borrowed from here

In other news, my beloved sat down and took the time to put together not one, but THREE cds' worth of music for my listening enjoyment during the drives to and from work. I adore him. He knows me. He knows what I like. He knows what I might like. And he always, always tries to lead me to things like Priest. (Not happening, but you gotta love the man who tries anyway!!! :D)  

So maybe now that all my self-inflicted stupidity and drama have fallen by the wayside, we can get back to the business of actually LISTENING to the universe and seeing if I can actually GET the wake up calls that are sent my way every morning!