26 January 2012

Dancing Around Fixing Things

No alarm, just me, up at 3:00, with THIS rattling around inside my skull....


For the love of all things holy, WHY?????  You gotta love the 80s....portable keyboards, Don Johnson jackets, shoulder pads galore, yeah. No. I know why. It does apply, regardless of the cheesiness of the music. In this moment, it means making the best of any sort of bad situation. It's about how some people deal with tragedy, pain and any other manner of bullshit that enters their personal space.  Maybe it's not the most productive way to live, learn and grow as a person, but sometimes, it's a form of self (sanity) preservation.....pretending that nothing is wrong, keeping the head planted firmly in the clouds, dancing, singing, reading and dreaming the time away until the mind can get to a better place.  

Yes, I really did just get all of that out of one lousy Don Henley song. True story!  

More often than not, I fear that someone I love will never comprehend certain things or even care to, but then she goes and shows that she is, in her own way, figuring it out.


Sometimes, you have to (MENTALLY, ONLY MENTALLY) own your shit and then burn it down to the ground. It's closure.  

Like when the Fishers burn all of Lisa's belongings after she dies, in this clip: 


or when Forrest buys Jenny's old house, the one that holds so much pain and abuse, and has it torn down for her....(for the life of me, I cannot find a clip, but if you've seen the movie, you know what I am talking about...) 

But the song and the words that always take me back to her are these


I know I can't fix her. I know I can't erase her pain, but it will never mean that I never WANTED to.  Just part of being a mother, I suppose. 

In the meantime, every day, I fix myself just a little bit more.  

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