26 September 2012

I Still Was A Madman

Thanks to a friend on FB, now there is this...stuck on loop....

Funny story about this song...well, probably not funny, but yeah....

The first time I ever heard it was at the end of this movie: 

I was all of about 9 years old. My aunt used to take me to movies at least once a month, probably more. I always got to see the cool movies and shows when I hung out with her. Anywhooooo, I think this was probably the first time my young, impressionable mind ever got acquainted with the idea that someone on TV was NOT living inside the television, but could also move to the big screen at will.  Henry Winkler was no longer walking around with his hair slicked back and his thumbs waving in the air. And clearly, I don't even remember that Harrison Ford was also making his way through the universe with a fuzzy counterpart and two less-than-technologically advanced robots. Ah, to be young and ignorant again.  

Watching "Heroes" was also probably the first time I had witnessed a character that was clearly there, or getting to losing his mind. Thusly, I remember vividly the fact that he carried around a worm farm in a shoe box. 

All too often, I feel like I'm masquerading with a reason. Like my existence actually means something. I guess it's what gets me up and keeps me going. Whatever it takes, right? But then, on the flip side, I sit and ponder just what the fuck the point is of all this mess we call life. I think my charade includes focusing on the little, menial, unimportant events of any given day just so I can pretend that maybe life won't come to an end without me having ever accomplished anything other than just surviving. 

I don't want to exist without ever having done SOMETHING that matters. I guess I just haven't quite figured out yet what I can do that WILL matter....what WILL make a difference. For now, I just keep carrying on and hoping that there really will be peace when I am done. Que Sera, Sera, eh?  

Carry on my wayward son
There'll be peace when you are done
Lay your weary head to rest
Don't you cry no more

Once I rose above the noise and confusion
Just to get a glimpse beyond this illusion
I was soaring ever higher
But I flew too high

Though my eyes could see I still was a blind man
Though my mind could think I still was a mad man
I hear the voices when I'm dreaming
I can hear them say

Masquerading as a man with a reason
My charade is the event of the season
And if I claim to be a wise man, well
It surely means that I don't know

On a stormy sea of moving emotion
Tossed about, I'm like a ship on the ocean
I set a course for winds of fortune
But I hear the voices say


Carry on, you will always remember
Carry on, nothing equals the splendor
Now your life's no longer empty
Surely heaven waits for you

Carry on my wayward son
There'll be peace when you are done
Lay your weary head to rest
Don't you cry, don’t you cry no more… no more

23 September 2012

Cellar Doors and Damage Plans

Of course, it's been a while. I'm nothing if not persistent in my pursuit of delaying the inevitable. I can't even tell you when last I wrote and I'm not looking because then I'd get back to that delay tactic.  Adapt or die, eh?  

So, I wake up to this going through my brain. I'm not a HUGE Neil Young fan, but this, I believe, is one of his masterpieces. That and it's got the phrase "Cellar Door". And only because I'm a HUGE Donnie Darko fiend, do I care about such a phrase. 

So many things have happened during my time away. Yet, I'm always looking for ways to forget about the things that are most troubling. The master of deceiving myself.  A form of survival, I suppose. Guess that's why the song applies. We're all junkies for something. Doesn't have to be a drug.....pick something. Pick anything. No matter the object, there's a junkie for it, out there somewhere.  

Pick your poison. Whatever gets you through the day, right? Not necessarily. More like, whatever helps you pretend like everything is ok, always has been and always will be. Keeps us comfortable. Keeps us numb. Keeps us from fighting tooth and nail to get to where we want to be. 

Sorry if I'm being a bit cryptic. The stories are too long to tell. Just want to bring to light the observation that the only way to throw away the needle is to get up and move past it. Let it keep knocking. Just don't answer the cellar door. 

This may signify my return....or maybe it's just a fleeting fancy. Won't know til tomorrow. xo 

I caught you knockin' at my cellar door 
I love you, baby, can I have some more 
Ooh, ooh, the damage done. 

I hit the city and I lost my band 
I watched the needle take another man 
Gone, gone, the damage done. 

I sing the song because I love the man 
I know that some of you don't understand
Milk-blood to keep from running out. 

I've seen the needle and the damage done 
A little part of it in everyone 
But every junkie's like a settin' sun.

28 June 2012

Rachmaninov, Anorexia and Abandoned Pianos

So, it's been a while. I know. I slacked. It's what I do sometimes, when life gets in the way and wants my full attention. That, or something distracts me. Nothing much newsworthy has occurred, except for learning new roles at work and trying, for the life of me, to get my garden going. In fact, GOING to the nursery today to pick up some plant life and start digging in. (Since I first started the draft of this post, the garden has become a faded memory....to be revived next year)....

Meanwhile, back at the unplanted ranch, lately, the urge to watch this again 

had become overwhelming, and so I ordered it. Having only watched it once before, not too long after it was released for home viewing, I hardly remembered much of it. I know it was the first time I saw Geoffrey Rush act. Amazing work. 

Even more amazing....David Helfgott. Watching the movie only gives you the Hollywood version of his troubled youth and the high price of perfection. I would probably never have known about this man had it not been for that movie. And if not for watching this movie again with my beloved, I probably would not have known about the existence of this masterpiece...

Kind of makes me wish I'd not have given up on my music. Alas, I never had the drive or the parental units that would push me to the brink in order to achieve such perfection at any cost. Fortunately? Who knows. Would I be where Tori Amos is....off in the ethereal stratosphere creating all kinds of earthquakes...

 or would I be here....

Fighting demons. 

Instead, I am here. Just getting to enjoy the blood, sweat, tears and sounds of these amazing people. 

Clearly I didn't have much to say. Just that sometimes I do miss playing. 

18 April 2012

Catching Cannon Balls

Lots of not much going on lately, Universally speaking. Nothing coming forth from the alarm and just trying to be a better me. Yesterday, learning about the impending departure of Levon Helm (via Slash on Twitter), however, gave me pause. I know absolutely jack about Levon, or The Band, for that matter. But I know this song....

It's a huge part of my youth....not sure how, just remember hearing it frequently. AND, there's always the factoid that it was written in the year of my birth. 

I'm fairly ignorant when it comes to music appreciation and music history. That's what my beloved is for....he always fills me in on the information I did or did not need to know, but like to know anyway. Take the fact that I heard Robbie Robertson for the first time, as a solo act, probably when I was around 17.....by that time, The Band was already disbanded. From the moment I heard this...

I was hooked. On that album. And only that album. I've tried his other stuff. Just, for the life of me, can't get into it. I'm in to good lyrics, and good stories within songs. Which will ruffle my beloved's metal feathers, since he insists that I should be more into things like Sabbath and Maiden. But.....therein lies the rub...because along with the lyricism, I have to have a sound that speaks to me. I just don't get the same vibes from the things he likes...nor he me. Yin and Yang, up and down, it all balances out.  

Like this, for instance, is an absolute exquisite example of what sucks me in..

Just. Wow. 

Then, you have The Black Crowes doing this...


See, I'm into the earthy, growly, bluesy, heart-wrenching shit. Probably why I was immediately drawn to this...

Just Perfection.  

I can't tell you why I am the way I am, musically (or any other way for that matter...). I just know what I like, and reallly, genre is useless to me, because I bounce all over the place from opera to hip hop...like with this....

There is just absolutely no rhyme, nor reason when it comes to me.  So I guess, today, after so much silence, the Universe is trying to get me to finally see that it doesn't matter....you are who you are and you should be completely and utterly, without fail, comfortable in your being. Like what you like, hate what you hate, listen, don't listen, and by all means, stop following the crowd.....they might be headed on an extremely long fall off a short cliff. 

Just. Be. You. 

and bounce a little....

14 April 2012

Sol In Prime

On this date, two years ago, our world changed, in a most musical sense. I'm not one to remember death dates too much, but can't help but be reminded since I follow lots of Type O people, including other Type O band members. I don't even pretend to know their pain. I can't. I wasn't there. All I know is I miss him. I miss the band. I miss the music.

Gently borrowed from this great article...

This is pretty much how I remember him, we saw the band so many times live.....never dreading it, always looking forward to it....and always hoping to see them again and again and again......

May You Find Peace in Your Rest. 

11 April 2012

Big, Big Wednesday

The alarm is a joke...I have to get a new radio alarm, or better reception...no messages are coming through via that medium. But this has been looping in my brain cell this morning....

Things have been going incredibly well, maybe that's why I've been lax in posting much...because I haven't noticed any particularly loud messages from the Universal radio....just lots of static. Maybe the static has to do with health? I don't know. Trying a NEAR Vegan diet for the past two weeks, and so far, so good. Losing weight, gaining energy, hair and nails and whatnot all getting stronger, fuller, etc....but now, it would appear I'm coming down with something, something which has caused vertigo, and an all-over ache. Went to the doc, no ear infection, just a prescription for an anti-dizziness medication. However, if this ache and constant headache don't go away soon, I may have to find a new doctor or just go back to that one and hound him until he finds out what's really going on. 

In other news, my beloved got me the sweetest little doll yesterday...

Picture gently borrowed from here

Life is, for the most part, really good. Maybe the Universe would like me to realize that and nothing more right now. We shall see, shalln't we? :) 

07 April 2012

Rooftops and Miracles

No alarm, just the subconscious knowledge that my son had come HOME!  Not ordinarily big news, but since he hasn't been home since around Christmas, is IS big news to me. Haven't written much lately, just because we've been living life and nothing really konked me upside the head, Universally speaking. Been listening to random CDs, such as Korn (with that Backwards "K" thing).....and, of course, The Black Crowes...so this song has been stuck on loop for the past few days...

So come on off of your rooftop
Come on down to the street
I've got something to tell you
You're secret I will keep
Tell me why have you been crying
Why won't you look me in the eye
I'm just trying to help you
I just need to know why
Please won't you let me try

Be my secret, be my joy
Be a miracle to me
Be my lover, be my friend
Be a miracle to me

I want to sleep in your moonglow
In my mind you're smile I keep
Head over heels I go
Like a dream from a peaceful sleep
This time I know I'm in deep

Nothing short of miraculous, this life I have with my beloved. Miraculous should not be mistaken for easy. It's never been EASY, but it's been worth it. I spend a lot of time up on my rooftop, hiding from the world. He is the only one who knows how to get me to come down. The only thing easy about this life is loving him. Sometimes, you have to part through all the bullshit to see what you really have. I see him. I keep his secrets. He is my friend, my lover and my miracle. What more could a girl ask for?

31 March 2012

Swimming In A Fish Bowl

This came screaming forth from the radio this morning...

I used to listen to this alot when my Beloved was "out there".....it always made me think of him. Now, now that he's here, we're no longer two lost souls. This makes me happy. 

Thing(s) that make me NOT happy? 

-Non-winning lottery numbers

I had so many plans for all that cash!! :D  Not really....pipe dreams, and all.  Maybe next time.  

30 March 2012

And I Told You To Be Balanced...

I have ADD. Maybe. Maybe not....maybe it's just something I found to describe my flitting personality. Maybe ADD doesn't even exist. Either way, I was visiting Twitter, when I saw a post by Whitney Cummings, so then I visited her page, and then I saw the link to her blog, here..., and then after several pages of meandering, I found that she had posted this...

Her exact words went something like this: 

my sister sent this song to me today very randomly so that means something - the universe might want everyone to have it...

Did you see that?  The UNIVERSE might want everyone to have it. The Universe. That thing I mention nearly every time I've got something to say here.  It's funny how that silly Universe works.....I don't really GET the song in it's entirety, yet this blip sticks out:

And I told you to be patient
And I told you to be fine
And I told you to be balanced
And I told you to be kind 

Yesterday was hard. Not in any overly dramatic, woe is me kind of way....but because this showed up...

I'm the UN-Balanced girl who would adopt any and every stray woodland and domestic creature (barring the arrival of skunks and possums, that is) and do whatever I could to make them have a happy life. I didn't know where he came from, but it was obvious he had broken free, carrying along part of his steel-cable tie out and sporting a collar. He was a big baby with a howl and whine that nearly broke my heart in two.  

Long story very much shortened, at the end of the day, after taking him to the local animal shelter, we finally located the owners.  While part of me is comforted knowing that they NOW know where he is and go collect him, part of me fears that maybe they will just leave him there. That cannot happen. I don't know what I will do, but I will DO something. I will NOT be responsible for another dog being 'put down' just because there is no room at the inn, because people can't seem to manage their animals. He WILL have a home. He will.  Just praying that he goes back with his family...which included other howling beauties. 

So, whilst I was probably not patient, and definitely am not all that balanced, at least I know that part of me is, indeed, kind.  

I also know that love shows up in the strangest forms. Who knew I'd ever fall for a hound dog?  

27 March 2012

No Light In Sunny Rooms Without You

No alarm today, just some random, weird, twangy, subconscious or real noise that dinged me awake. Weird. Dreamed of people that I once used to get along with, be friends with, etc., who no longer have any sort of role in my life and, for the foreseeable future, will NOT ever be in my life again. Combined with strange people and places I've never seen. The mind does silly, silly things when the rest of you is slumbering away.

I've been blessed, particularly with the advent of computers and internet connections, to have heard some of the most breathtaking, heart-wrenching voices in the entire Universe. Most said voices come wrapped up in people that you would never suspect of having such beauty within. That faithful life lesson of never judging books by their dust jackets!   

The young man I saw last night, by way of one Caroline Manzo, of The Real Housewives of New Jersey (of whom I do follow on the Book of Faces) shared this.

For sooooooome reason, when I tried to add it via Blogger's Youtube tool, it decided to BE a tool and say that all these videos were blocked.....so if you should have trouble getting to it from here, I highly recommend you visit this link...here

26 March 2012

It's Only Mountains and Mad, Mad Bunnies

Up early, le gasp! No alarm, no blaring cacophonies this morning, just this running through my head...

Not entirely sure what anyone was thinking with that VIDEO...but the song, I like! 

Sitting here reviewing me. Wondering why I am the way I am. Wondering what it will take to make me a better person. Not that I'm a horrifically evile soul, yet, I know I need improvement. I could apologize til 10 other people are blue in the face, yet it won't erase the mistakes, and it won't mean that I'll be any different. 

Stupid as the concept was, and designed to demonstrate how ridiculous certain beings can be, the whole Fear/Love thing in Donnie Darko was sort of spot-on.  

Some things you do out of fear, be it conscious or subconscious. Other things you do out of love. And there are definitely gray areas in that entire spectrum of human emotion. Deep, I know. Too deep for me, this early in the day. 

I just know that I usually do pay for my mistakes in one way or another. But I also get rewarded, sometimes, when things are done right. I just want to be seen for what I do right, rather than having all my flaws highlighted. Not so much to ask. Just have to accomplish more rights than wrongs, right? 

It's the start of a new week, starting a few new things today, and thinking about starting to work on me. I don't have access to a bunny suit and wormholes usually don't float around me, so I can't go back and change things, but I can move forward. 

Gently borrowed from here...

Get mad. Then do something. 

25 March 2012

Guaranteed To Blow Your Mind

The alarms have gone off the past few days, but my brain cell can't seem to recognize the sounds.....but I did hear this yesterday morning, at work....

I adored Queen when I was little. There was nothing infused, no knowledge of who anyone was or of their sexual preference and too naive to comprehend any inferences. It just sounded good. Good's not even the right word.  I don't know. I liked the COLORFUL music (still do) and back then, Queen stood out against all the other stuff that pretty much sounded the same to my very young ears.  It also helped that my parents didn't know anything about Freddy Mercury either, lest they surely would have prevented me from listening to anything by the band, much like they did when they listened to all the gossipy shit about Prince. But that's for another time (long story). 

Tight harmonies, theatrical compositions. That, I like. Much like the soundtrack for Moulin Rouge. If you get past the cheeziness of the film itself, it boggles the mind that the creative geniuses can listen to so much music and then turn, twist, and mold it into something completely new, all while leaving it totally recognizable. That shit amazes me, no matter the musical genre. 

Stuff like that, no, it's not the stuff that makes me get all nostalgic and think of certain events in life...it's just the stuff that motivates and inspires me to learn new things. Other music, in my head, I see as seasonal. Like Tesla (mostly the acoustic renditions) reminds me of Spring, storms, and that lovely, balmy air. 

Type O Negative, on the other hand, is most DEFINITELY for Autumn. Especially perfect for October. 

There's no exceptionally OVERT message from the Universe this morning. Probably because it's too damned early to be up and THINKING......but maybe it's just this:  Find the music that makes your soul sing and go with it, others and their opinions be damned.  Music, while not essential for breathing, sure makes life a lot easier to digest!  

23 March 2012

Momma's Gonna Help Build A Wall

Holy Fuquetarts! I slept until the alarm went off! This was on the air...

One of my all-time (is that hyphenated, one word, two separate words? Who knows?)...favorite songs. Reminds me of my own mother.....

Speaking of walls, I am constructing one which will surround me and keep me sane and above-board. This work thing is really gnawing at my brain cell, and as you know, I don't have but one to spare, so I've got to keep it safe, right?  

I don't play games. I don't swim around in the gossip toilet. I have been late once, by all of one minute, I get back early from breaks, I don't call in, I can be called in when someone else calls in, I've only requested one day off, I don't lie, I don't steal, I do my work, I go above and beyond and do MORE than what is required.  So, what about me deserves to be treated in a suspect manner? What have I done to these people? 

From this point forward, I think the best course of action is just to completely shut my mouth, shut myself off from any and all that would love to cause havoc just because, I guess, they are bored. Just go, do my thing, and leave well enough alone. I think, deep down, we all just want to be appreciated and acknowledged for our hard work. Instead, it would seem, that if you are a good person, an intelligent being who wants to do well, then others get insecure and feel the need to bring you down several notches to their level. 

Not doing it. No one is going to make all my nightmares come true. Until I can figure out exactly what I want to be when I grow up and I can find something better suited to me, I will make do with what I have and continue to prove them wrong....(first, I should probably REALLY learn what it is they are thinking and saying about me), but prove them wrong, I indeed will.  

In other news, the latest dvd-released season of Weeds arrived yesterday, and as my Beloved so aptly stated, we have begun to 'blow our load' and zip right through each of the scantly-supplied 3 discs. THAT. ROCKS. 

21 March 2012

Seven Pounds of Sugar

No alarm. Alarming. Just reviewing. Yesterday was a good day. Ended with one of the saddest movies ever....

And if the movie wasn't enough, this particular part of the score is so incredibly perfect in its simplicity....

Not a huge fan of Will Smith, the PERSON, but damn can he ACT! 

Watching that movie opened my eyes to the fact that all the bullshit at work is just that...bullshit. There are so many other things of higher import to think about. That, and I won't be texting and driving any more, like ever....watch it. You'll see.  

Watching the movie also made me realize that more and more, I just want to move away and live some place like this...

Borrowed delicately from here...

In the meantime, we've been doing Spring cleaning of sorts, and working on our assorted play rooms.....my Beloved's man-cave and my free-for-all room....which, I have decided after much consternation, will be in a shade of THIS...

Gently and lovingly borrowed from here...

So, I suppose, the Universe, through that movie and assorted imagery, would like me to open up my eyes a BIT wider, look around, and realize, that life is so much more than the ensuing drama at work. It really is. 
In other words...

A piece of cake. 

20 March 2012

If You Need Water

Not much going on today in the world of me. No alarm, but I think I actually slept in til 4:00 AM. That is correct...FOUR!  Trying to remain calm and collected about all the workplace drama. Realizing that it would be futile to run off on a rage. It would accomplish absolutely zero. Things that calm me...things that calm me....things like this song...

Happy thoughts. That's what I will start thinking. As we sat watching the (never disappointing in its depressive qualities) news, my Beloved said that he's "tired of sad". So true. There is so much more to life than the pain, destruction and heartache that we carry out on each others as a species. So, in that light, the things that go on in the work place are nothing but TRIVIAL. It's a part of my life, sure, but it is NOT going to define me nor will it bring me sinking down to the level in which others wish to dwell. Won't do it. 

At the moment, we're anxiously awaiting the arrival of this...

Unlike those that the Madison Avenue peoples would have us believe live with all life's modern conveniences, like satellite and cable tv (and unlimited internet)...(HAAAAAAAA), we don't have those things. We don't even have a DVR. (GASP!!!) So, when we see something that we really WANT to watch, we buy a season, then if we like it, we get the rest. Probably spending tons less cash than we would for a yearly subscription to unlimited noise from the picture box. Yeah, so we're way behind on cultural happenings, people, etc. Besides, if you OWN the series-es....for lack of a better expression, you don't have to wait for however many months for the next round to begin, unless you've run out of dvds to watch, and you're all caught up and the series is still in production.....and you can experience it all AGAIN if you so choose. 

Besides, Spring is being all SPRINGY and we are both itching to get OUTSIDE and do things better than before. Planning the garden, the yardwork and the someday in the future repairs and improvements to the inside and outside of our humble, yet spacious domain. If I could just hold the world's most giganormous garage sale, I'm sure I could rake in at least $500 bucks for the cause and clear out an amazingly mind-boggling fuckton of clutter!  (Seriously, I like to dream that it'd bring in 5 TIMES that amount, but who are we kidding, when people don't want to even pay ONE DOLLAR for a faux fur purple coat!)  

So today is all about planting, planning, some knitting and just continuing to get better.  Work be damned. It'll be here soon enough, like in the morning.  

The Universe would like you to get off your bum and go outside. I mean, it's the FIRST DAY of SPRING, we had the world's funkiest, warmest, 83 degree last day of WINTER yesterday, and things are reaching full bloom outside. Get out there. Feel it. Smell it. Sit on it. Roll around in it (except for where your dog poos). INhale. EXhale. Ahhhhhhhhh. Spring. Here. Limited time only. 

18 March 2012

On Being Negative

Up before my Beloved's alarm....how alarming!  So many things to do today, so little brain cell capacity to get it all done. Thinking alot about negative behaviors, negative responses, negative self image and just to throw you a curve, Type O Negative...

Typically, not a day goes by that I don't listen to or think about something Type O-related. I mean, when a band comes into your life during the more or less FORMATIVE years, it kind of makes a dent that can't be pounded out. Especially when a person within said band takes an especially early leave, and then reminds you, as they always did sing, that...

There, simply, just will never be another collection of people that will make so. much. sense. The other members have moved on, some remaining in music, the other taking a completely different turn. And as much as I want to adore their new projects, it's just not the same. Something is just amiss. 

Apart from missing them, I'm missing links within myself that will take me where I want to be, I fear. I had high, high hopes for my new (4-month old) job. I went into it with a different mindset. But of course, negativity being what it is, it picked and picked and poked and prodded at me, until now, I can feel myself getting sucked right into the middle of other people's bullshit and drama. I FUCKING HATE THAT! I just want to go to work, do my job well, get better, laugh, be productive and know that I'm doing something to better myself. But, as per usual, there's this constant battle between good humor and ill will. Me, being on the good humor side, looking at those with nothing but ill will, and wanting to vomit all over them.  

I just don't get it. I still don't know how to approach it, and I refuse to spend every waking moment fretting over it. It just pisses me off to no end. People way older than me, embroiled in their gossip and backstabbing and bullshit.....people need to grow the fuck up. I don't like being lied to. I don't like being stabbed in the back by people that don't even begin to know me. I don't like back and forth, he said, she said bullshit....

Which reminds me of this...

You just wanna scream in someone's face. Not even anyone in particular, except for maybe that freak that decided to make sexually-charged comments about my unwrapping a loaf of cheese yesterday. HIM, I would have absolutely NO problem screaming at...and then lodging said cheese loaf directly at his head. 

I'm really trying to keep my head above water, here. Trying to avoid letting it all bring me down. Trying to hold on to the hope that someone will see my worth and understand that I am TOO fucking old for this shit. 

Mayhaps the Universe is screaming something extremely important to me....but I'm too busy being utterly peeved to hear it right now. Maybe the message is this:  I'm better than this. I've been brought to my knees by way bigger things than this. Roadblocks are the Universe's way of teaching you how to make your own path and leave the potholes in the past. 


16 March 2012

Tattered, Torn and Frayed

Up early, with SOMETHING blaring out from the radio, something which I could not identify and the Beloved was too asleep to help me out. Spring has SPRUNG around here!  Which, for some reason, makes me want to listen to Tesla. Part of my youth, part of my not-so-youth, and part of my now....songs like this...

Just makes me want to get in the car, roll the windows down, crank up the volume and drive.....feeling the warm breeze, smelling Spring air, especially after a good storm.....ok, enough of that poetical waxing....

Yesterday was an exceptionally perfect day. We are working at making serious changes to our health and dietary intake, so a lot of it focused on foods. Went to lunch at Ruby Tuesday, because they do have one excellent salad bar and quite a few healthier choices on their menu. Then we went to the Fort Wayne Museum of Art , where it's FREE on Thursdays. Bonus! Most of the small museum stages works of assorted high school students from around the NE Indiana/NW Ohio schools. I have to say, some of these kids are WAY beyond their years when it comes to artistic vision and the ability to bring that vision to life. Stunning shit!  I wish, I WISH I could show you and I WISH it would have been for sale!  Not that I have a boatload of cash to drop on art, but damn!  

Then, we walked into a gallery and saw the works of American artists, such as Bruno Surdo and Suzie (Suzanne) Dittenber. Surdo's MASTERPIECE "The Re-Emergence of Venus" (You can see it on his FB page, well part of it anyway) was so very mesmerizing that you just had to stand there, stand back, stand close, move to one side, move to the middle, move to the other side, find a ladder and stand UP to take every bit of it in. Other than that, the gallery is fairly small and just didn't have ENOUGH to look at. Bummer but it was something we haven't done in YEARS, so it was just perfect. 

After that, we drove around, got lost, sort of, and found our way back to the 3Rivers Co-Op Natural Foods store. The smell of the store was amazing....got a pound of organic steel-cut oats for a buck, and the perfect amount of nutritional yeast (going Vegan will NOT be easy, but it will be DONE at least for 3 weeks) for $0.15...that's right, FIFTEEN CENTS!!!  And now we know where we can find a fuqueton of different rices in all shades, shapes and flavors, beans, and Vegan cheeses....the vitamin/supplement selection was not as good as The Health Food Shoppe over on Anthony, but they did have a TON of medicinal herbs, essential oils and stuff to peruse.  All in all, prices are steep  no matter which place you shop at because it's organic, natural, vegan shit....so you have to pay more regardless. 

None of this really relates to Universal messages, or even music, and probably belongs on one of my other blogs, but it is what it is and yesterday was what it was, perfect.  

Maybe the message is this:  When you get out and do something different than what you have been doing, you learn things, you see things, and you realize things you never thought of before. IN other words, LIVE your life, just don't sit and watch it go by.  

Happy Friday!  

14 March 2012

I Believe I've Waited Long Enough

No alarm, but I did get over SEVEN hours of sleep. Amazing, I KNOW!  Taking into consideration the events of the past few days, this is where my head is at...

from Walk

I'm learning to walk again
I believe I've waited long enough
Where do I begin?
I'm learning to talk again
Can't you see I've waited long enough
Where do I begin? 

Maybe it's just me, maybe it's all in my head, but I don't know HOW to believe in me. There's no guidebook. No rules by which to follow. So, I have to learn on my own. Old habits die hard. I have an impeccable lack of style, lack of grace and lack of timing. I just tend to blurt out whatever is on my mind at that moment, because that IS what I am feeling at THAT moment. I'm not a manipulator. I don't scheme and plan to cause grief. I'm just a soul that does the best she can on any given day to get THROUGH that day, somewhat happy, healthier and alive. 

My head spins on occasion. I lose my way on more occasions. I make mistakes on regular occasion. It's who I am. Slow learner, maybe. So, do tell me, WHERE exactly do I begin to make myself right. Where do I begin to make myself better? 

These things I know: 

  • I love my Beloved
  • I love my children
  • I love my animals and all animals, really...well, except for probably oppossums and rats, but still....
Those are certainties. The rest, it's a crap shoot, and life really is what you make of it, right?  

13 March 2012

Rage Against the Me

I know the alarm went off this morning, but I cannot begin to even remember what was playing. This song has been rather prevalent in the past 24 hours, however...

Playing in my car, playing on someone else's Facebook feed, playing in my head.  It's just tight, this song. I really do have to start buying up some of their stuff, I really do. I just get kind of lazy. I'm like "Oh yeah, I love this..." and then in five minutes, I totally forget and flit about to the next thing in my cranial cavity.  

Then there is this...

I never heard of Long Day Fear until I found Tairrie B on Facebook. If you've followed this blog at all, you KNOW my absolute adoration of Ms. B. So when Mr. Woolgrove added me as a friend and I saw that we had Ms. B in common, acceptance was immediate!  Little did I know that meeting Richie would lead me to form one of the bestest long distance friendships, or friendships at all, that I've had.....with his sister, my beloved Eliza. We just get each other. There's an age gap, smallish, but otherwise, we have much the same sense of humor, the same types of struggles and it's just a good fit!  

As for the band, I don't know any of them, but Richie, but I have listened to the music, and I do say I like it! To me, and I am NO sort of musical expert whatsoever, it's just straightforward, no bullshit, heavy hitting, bouncy shit (shit, in a good way...not the poo way). And in the recent world of Metal, where all these youngsters try to outsound like each other, Long Day Fear stands out in their field....sometimes, even literally...like this...

Funny, it's a field of ROCKs. :D  

So MAYBE what the Universe would like you and I to know today is that you just have to do your OWN thing. Everything else be damned.  I've made so many mistakes in life, some I keep making, but all I can do is get back up and try again and again and again.....

Balls to the wall, man....