26 December 2011

Vultures, Thieves and Reveries

No alarm today, just basking in the afterglow of a really exceptional Christmas. Realizing that the Universe works in strange ways sometimes, well, all of the time, really. This is on my mind:

One of the saddest songs ever. Period. Today, it's fitting. There's a lot that goes on in our family. A lot of which is beyond my control to change or fix, so when other parties begin to see the light, it's kind of overwhelming in both sad and wonderful ways. I never want anything BUT the best for my babies, either of them. It's been a long, hard road, in and out of hell and back around again.......and being at that stage when I can only observe or listen and occasionally spew forth advice, it just sucks. 

I have many things to acknowledge in the new year. I have control to give up. I have false hopes to release. I have to move on. Watching a video yesterday of Christmas past, seeing my babies in their smaller forms nearly broke my heart, it did. Realizing just how far removed we are from those days and wishing for the second chances to go back. Wondering where things went so completely wrong and wondering how it could've been done differently to change the outcome. 

But, we can only do what we can do, and as Maya Angelou stated, when we knew better, we did better. All I want is for both of my children to have the lives they work for, to have the best that the world has to offer, and to know that they are both loved beyond reason. I can't do it for them. I can't go back and make up for the stupidity of my own youth. All I can do now is help them when they ask. 

I want them to find and hold on to their angels. 

1 comment:

DS_Aldridge said...

Don't let them get too far away. Trust me, I can tell you from experience, that even when they say they want to be left alone, they need to know you love them. I used to call the Seattle police when I didn't hear from my son for a long time, and that is one of the things that brought him back to me. He finally realized that I wouldn't do that if I didn't love him. Never give up. They do grow up eventually and come to their senses.