27 November 2011

Red Cross Hell

No alarm, just the last morning where I can sleep in of my own accord, without an official work schedule. Tomorrow is Day One of the newly obtained 'job' outside the home. Things are better for us than they have been in years, finally we can breathe. Yet the first song that popped in my head today was this:

We have such a wide variety of funny relationships with doctors. On one hand, we dread seeing them, on another, they are magically there when we have any number of aches and pains. There are good ones, there are great ones, then there are those whose personas resemble that of a sloth on painkillers. I try not to see too many of them, including my own family physician, on any kind of regular basis. I'm the type that goes when something is REALLY wrong....and sometimes way later than I should have gone. 

I don't fall for all the peddled hype and fear produced by shows like "Dr. Oz" or "The Doctors" or even the medical segments on local and national news shows. Fear sells. I'm not buying.  Hell, it took me at least four years, probably more, before I would go in to get the news that I needed major female organ upheaval. Not until I could wear hoodies, sweaters and two pairs of socks in 90 degree weather with 99% humidity, OUTSIDE, and only after losing gallons of blood (ew), did I face the fact that something needed to be done. And when depression rears its vapid head, I typically wait until it gets so bad that all I think about is exiting the planet, all day long, every day....then it's time for some medical intervention. Yet, as soon as I feel the slightest bit better, the slightest bit backed off from the edge, I go it alone. I hate drugs. So, life is not killing me...I won't let it....but my own stupidity or stubborn-ness might do me in someday. 

I miss Peter Steele. I miss this kind of intelligent writing that gets to the meat and bones of it all, no bullshit......

Like a Jew in ancient Spain
And for Christ's name did pay with pain
Modern day inquisition
What is the link between these crafts?
Doctors and thieves, they both wear masks
Overpaid meat magicians

Life is killing me

Your doctorate and Ph.D.
Would wipe my ass etched in feces
Will not cure your affliction
Doctors Jeckyll or Mengele
And your face too, they're just a blur
Can't improve my condition

Life is killing me

Appointment made, waited three hours
Did not realize you had such power
I'd rather see a mortician
Your parents saved or had the bucks
Your education stems from luck
Future corpse: death by physician

I have no choice: devoid of rights
So pull the plug, it's my damned life
Keep me alive to increase your bill
A Red Cross hell? - the hospital!

Just let me die with dignity
It's not suicide, simply mercy

Just who do you think you are?
Medical school don't make you God
Now I don't care what you've been taught
Just get me off this life support

Just let me die, with dignity
It's not suicide, simply mercy

Life is killing me

So, on today, the day before life starts to get really, REALLY good again.......I have no complaints. You make the most of what you have, and you take one step at a time, until you can burst into a full-speed walk. Life is NOT killing me. Oh, and did you know that when the house is silent, it's really, REALLY disturbing to be able to hear the cat pee in the litterbox?

Name three reasons why life is NOT killing you!  Go on. I dare you. 


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