16 November 2011

Filthy Gorgeous

No alarm. Too much tea before bed means your bladder will awaken you well before the radio will. Nothing profound this morning, via the universe, so I'll make my own wisdom.

This song pretty much sums up the level of disconnectedness I feel. I've been doing alot of reminiscing as of late, going back to the old school musics, maybe just trying to figure out where I went wrong. Trying to outline all the patterns of old so they won't be repeated. Some things are just downright impossible, like earning the respect of a father who thinks of you as nothing more than a failure. 

I think that, for the most part, I shut myself off from people, from friends or any sort of close relationships, as a defense mechanism. If you can't see inside me, you can't use it against me. And yet, since my heart is so sturdily sewn to my sleeve, I still manage to get hurt easily.  

Someone asked this today:  "You can close your eyes to things you don't want to see. Why can't you close your heart to things you don't want to feel?"

Maybe it's because the possession of a heart comes packaged with blind eyes that allow all sorts of crap to be filtered out and away. It just is what it is. 

And I'm a sinner, so let's all pray
I wouldn't want it any other way

This post brought to you by random musings at 3:30 AM. 

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